


Now I Sleep Alone

by KilltheDJ



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The Young Blood Chronicles - Fall Out Boy (Music Video)
Genre: Break Up Talk, I dunno this is unedited I just wanted Heartbreak, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22515160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KilltheDJ/pseuds/KilltheDJ
Summary: The letter said Kobra was a secret addict. This isn't quite how he wanted to tell his brother.
Relationships: Kobra Kid & Party Poison (Danger Days), Kobra Kid/Mr. Sandman (Fall Out Boy)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Now I Sleep Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This one was sitting in the drafts after I impulsively listened to Bulletproof Love by PTV on repeat. So then I deleted it all and...this? It's unedited so I hope you don't mind!

There’s something wrong with waking up in the morning.

Kobra doesn’t know what it is, but he can’t drag himself out of bed, can’t make himself do that when everything hurts and Destroya, it’s just so much work.

Why does he have to wake up?

Why can’t he just pull the blankets over his head and ignore the world - after all, his room is dark. He could just sleep all day.

But when he rolls over, he’s violently reminded of why he doesn’t want to stay in bed, why he doesn’t want to go to sleep. 

The other side of the bed is cold and empty.

It’s not supposed to be empty.

Fuck, fuck, he has to get up. Kobra stumbles out of bed, his hair fucked up and eyeliner tear-tracks painting a picture over his rosy-red cheeks. 

Fuck this.

He doesn’t like this. 

Whatever, now he has to actually manage to stumble out into the hallway and act like everything was peachy fuckin’ fine when he felt like there was a tornado in his head and it’s only intent was to chip away at his heart until it finally crumbled into dust. 

It’s working, he knows it’s working because when everything doesn’t feel like his head screaming mistake, mistake, mistake over-and-over again, it feels numb.

Who cares? Not Mr. Sandman. 

Fuck, Kobra doesn’t even like thinking his name. How pathetic is that? 

He’s bleary-eyed as he pads into the kitchen, his footsteps too loud even to himself. At least he doesn’t have a hangover last time, like he has the last three days. 

No one else is in the kitchen. Maybe it’s because they’re all out, or maybe it’s because they’ve noticed it’s best to avoid Kobra for now. He hopes it’s the former, he doesn’t want to deal with all of them. 

He doesn’t want to eat, either, but his nearly non-existent self-preservation instincts tell him that he needs to eat, no matter how shitty he’s feeling.

So that’s probably why Kobra’s chugging a gallon of water when Poison walks into the kitchen, charcoal streaking his jeans and face and hair and jacket. 

“Uh… Hey Kobes?” Poison asks, and that’s when Kobra actually takes note of him.

Kobra puts the gallon of water back in the fridge - fuck, that was their only gallon, why did he do that? - and glares at his brother. Stupid fucking Poison. “Don’t call me that,” he snaps quietly. 

Poison doesn’t have the right to call him that anymore. Kobra isn’t going to tell him why - at least, he has no intentions of it. 

That makes Poison visually irritable. Like Kobra cares. “What’s your problem these last few days, dude? You’re constantly fuckin’ drunk, now you’re snappin’ at me and we haven’t seen you - like, at all!”

“If you hadn’t seen me at all you wouldn’t know I was drunk, crash queen,” says Kobra, rolling his eyes. He knows he should walk away, that arguing with Poison is the last thing he needs right now, but he can’t, he can’t walk away and he doesn’t know why. 

Poison crosses his arms, glaring right back. Something in his gaze softens, but Kobra doesn’t notice. “Seriously, what’s up? You’re never like this.” 

“Life happens, get over it.” 

Yeah, maybe Kobra should take hiso wn scathing advice. Life happens. Relationships never last, he needs to get over it. 

Love doesn’t last. Except he didn’t fall out of love, neither of them fell out of love, Kobra was just more addicted to heartbreak and secrets than he was being pastel. 

“What’s wrong?” Poison repeats - but doesn’t he get the memo? Kobra doesn’t want to talk and he doesn’t need his patronizing brother prying into his life! It’s none of Poison’s business!

It’s none of Poison’s business and it’s all Poison’s fault but it’s not Poison’s fault at all, it’s all Kobra’s fault and if he was just capable of telling the truth then nothing would’ve happened and everything would be fine and he wouldn’t be sleeping alone and he wouldn’t feel so guilty and he wouldn’t - 

“D’ya want a hug, Kid?” 

Kobra snaps out of it, out of his thoughts. He seems to be spending a lot of time in his head recently, huh. It’s probably not the best idea.

And there’s something comforting in the way Poison is looking at him, concerned and protectively and Kobra just feels more guilty for rushing forward to take Poison up on that offer of a hug.

He doesn’t deserve a hug, doesn’t deserve the comfort because all of this is all his fault. If he had just told the truth, then Poison would know what was going on and Sandman would still be by his side!

Fuck, he’s crying, isn’t he? Kobra doesn’t want to cry. He thought he’d cried all the tears he had left, but apparently not.

But Poison is rubbing circles into his back and he’s muttering lullaby nothings, and Kobra’s guilt doesn’t go away, exactly, but it starts to fall to the back of his mind, because Poison’s got him and Poison can make the heartbreak go away, right?

Kobra’s heart has never felt like this before. He doesn’t like it, he wants it to go away so he can go back to normal.

“Hey, you wanna go lay down?” Poison asks, comforting, like the way he used to when Kobra would wake up screaming from a night terror in the backseat of the Trans Am. 

Kobra nods - he doesn’t know if Poison notices it, but regardless Poison gently untangles himself from their hug and holds Kobra’s hand, leading Kobra back to Poison’s room. 

Kobra’s glad Poison didn’t decide to lay down in his own room. There’s too many bottles of booze there for Poison to not throw a fit. 

Poison’s treating him like a child, and Kobra doesn’t… Kobra doesn’t mind, not at all. Poison’s gesturing for him to sit down while Poison gets his blankets in order; Kobra doesn’t mind. Poison’s being too gentle, too out-of-character from the Fabulous Killjoy; Kobra doesn’t mind.

His big brother would make it all better. Right?

Poison could make his bleeding heart stop hurting so much, right? 

“Wanna talk about it?” Poison asks once they’re situated, once he’s got his arms wrapped around Kobra and Kobra’s buried his face into Poison’s collarbone. 

It feels nice to be held. Poison can protect him from all the heartbreak that the Desert had to offer, and Kobra liked that. 

But does he want to talk about it?

Not talking about anything, to Poison or Sandman, is what got him into this mess in the first place but Kobra doesn’t know if he’s willing to stop lying now… What if Poison freaks out? 

What if Poison tells him that it was for the better, because Poison has a grudge, or, or - what if he’s mad? Destroya, Poison would have every right to be mad at him if Kobra told him the truth, but… but… There’s something safe about being in Poison’s arms right now.

Like Poison can’t judge him, not right now. 

So Kobra sniffles, tries to keep his tears at bay - he doesn’t want to get any more tears on Poison’s jacket - and tries to find the right words.

What he inevitably finds is, “Boys are dumb an’ - an’ so am I.”

“Yeah?” Poison coaxes, carding his fingers through Kobra’s ratty, greasy blond hair. He needs to wash it, it’s disgusting and Kobra knows this, but ugh, he doesn’t know if he has the energy too. “What happened?”

“I… I didn’ wanna tell you an’... An’ I guess it got too… I don’ know, like a dirty secret?” Kobra honestly still doesn’t understand.

He does, though, which is the dirty truth lying underneath all of his guilt. Sandman left him that letter because Kobra refused to tell Poison, Kobra would rather keep it a secret than face any difficulties that may come his way.

Sandman understood, at first. Because Sandman didn’t want to tell his own crew, it’d be hypocritical to be offended that Kobra wouldn’t tell his. Then Sandman told his crew, and it was so… relieving to be out in the open. 

Kobra still didn’t want to tell anyone he knew, though. It started to feel less out of hesitance and more because Kobra didn’t care about him as anything more than a secret. 

“Didn’t want to tell me what?” Poison is still soft, still gentle with him. Kobra knows he’s just trying to get more information to comfort Kobra better, gauge the situation, and the idea of Poison being mad at him flashes through his head again. 

Poison wouldn’t be mad at him, not now, right? Hasn’t Kobra already established this?

“I miss Sandy,” is what comes out as his answer, and he knows he’s dodging the question.

But with his answer comes more fucking tears, and it’s so fucking stupid! Just because he’s saying someone’s name doesn’t mean he needs to start crying but Destroya, it fucking hurts, okay?

His heart hurts and he has a headache from the crying and Poison’s holding him but Poison doesn’t understand, not really. Poison doesn’t know what’s going on in the slightest.

And that’s because Kobra’s addicted to keeping secrets.

That’s the way Sandman phrased it in his letter, at least. 

Poison goes a little rigid, Kobra can feel the shift, but Poison relaxes right after. Then he laughs. It’s not cruel, it’s soft and blurry around the edges, if a laugh can be that way. And Kobra gets the distinct impression that Poison _ does _ get it. “Your first heartbreak, then, kiddo?”

“If that’s why everythin’ hurts, then yeah,” Kobra sniffles. It’s definitely heartbreak.

He doesn’t know if he would classify it as his first heartbreak, but it feels worse than anything else. Maybe it’s different for a reason, but whatever the reason may be, it alludes Kobra. 

Poison holds him that much closer. It’s… it’s better. Kobra still wishes it was Sandman holding him, though. “You don’ have’ta tell me if you don’ wanna. But… if you do, I’m here. You can stay with me as long as you want, little Destroya.”

Poison hasn’t called him that in years. Kobra likes the way it makes him feel like a real and true kid again, when Poison would call him that with so much damn hope in his eyes that Kobra could do something, anything great in this hellscape of a Desert.

Kobra doesn’t know if Poison still believes he can do anything that makes a difference. He doesn’t know why the current context makes it feel so special. But, damn, he’s holding the sentiment close. 

Little Destroya. Not a secret addict. 

Does Poison know who broke his heart at this point? Does Poison realize and not care? Or is Kobra still keeping that secret? 

Does Kobra want to know? 

No. He doesn’t. He wants to lay here with his brother, taking in the comfort and pretending he doesn’t want to stay here forever. He wants to have Sandman back, but he knows he can’t… He can’t do that until he gets his own life together.

Maybe he can do that later. Maybe he needs to do that later. But for now, Kobra’s going to let himself be comforted. 

And as he’s falling asleep, Poison is the one mumbling, “It’s okay, Kid, it’s okay. I know, I know.” 

Kobra Kid falls asleep without a weight on his shoulders he didn’t realize he had. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it! What'd'ya think?


End file.
